Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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