I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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