we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
