So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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