I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
