He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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