Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
