Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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