All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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