I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are two peas in an std pod
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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