Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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