My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
