My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
