omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
