I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
