It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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