"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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