If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
