Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
