moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
