dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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