who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
