yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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