And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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