Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
