My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
