How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
