I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
