the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
