how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
