the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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