well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
