wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
