fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
