why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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