So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
