Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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