i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
