She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
