a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
