That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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