I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
