I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
soo... how was my night?
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