dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
