two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
