Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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