If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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