butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
