Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
