girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
